It's official. I'm work-blogging. Don't tell the boss.
The truth is, I can hear my entirely work-related print job happily printing away a few feet from this here desk, so some could call this multi-tasking. If you are one of those people, then you are a lazy bum, too.
Here's a handful of highlights from the past week:
Last weekend I went to a concert and was told by this total asshole that I should find another place to stand because I was blocking his view. I was standing up, and he was sitting down. This was at an outdoor concert on a Friday night, mind you. At a rock concert, by the way. I asked him if maybe him and his friends wanted to stand up and enjoy the concert, too (not even in a bitchy way), but then he said that what I was doing was "really uncool" and that if I didn't move, he would "contact security." So I didn't move for a minute for the pure principle of it, but then him and all his sitting down friends actually started booing at me. It was amazing. Bottom line: I can't stand people who tell you to sit down at concerts.
I was at dinner at a friend's house a few nights ago, and this friend happens to be a police officer. We were talking about how high the murder rate was and this and that, yadda yadda, and then he mentions that not only was the murder rate way too high in our city, but that I should also be aware of the recent rise in rape sprees near my neighborhood. Come again? "What's a rape spree?" I asked. I mean, how many rapes makes a spree? My friend's pregnant wife didn't much like the direction of the conversation, so I guess we just kind of moved on, but I found out later that said spree was only 2 rapes. So that's good.
Oh, another interesting tidbit from My Dinner with the Cop: a charge of mayhem is what a perp (look, cop talk) gets when they bite off a piece of somebody else's flesh. So by all means, watch out for the mayhem.
It's been pretty hot lately and the city gets a little stinky, but when I drove out into the suburbs, it smelled nice like eucalyptus trees.
I'll be happy when the auditors leave, because one of the auditors is a little too friendly with me, and sometimes I think I catch him spying on me when he goes out to smoke cigarettes.
In other news, the atheists and agnostics did better than everybody else on the Pew Research Center's Religion Test. They were followed closely by the Jews (L'Chaim!!). I took the abridged version of the test and found out that I did better than 80% of my fellow Americans. And I don't know jack about religion. Seeking some deeper analysis of the test results, I inadvertently landed at a Fox News opinion piece entitled "We Didn't Flunk the Religion Test." Actually, we did, but whatever.
More interesting than that guy's bunko story was a headline I saw on the side of the page: "Gay Cupcake Controversy Heats Up." Swear to God. The story itself was about a bakery owner who didn't want to make rainbow cupcakes for a Lesbian/Gay/Bi/Transsexual university group's celebration for National Coming Out Day. Pretty sad. Sort of newsworthy. Anyway, the most fascinating thing about it was the number of nasty comments from readers. The best one was this, and I am not editing it for punctuation, grammar, or spelling: "You'd think that with a, er, shitload of gay men, you'd have all the chefs you need... "
On that note, sleep tight all, whoever you're sleeping with.
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